splinters make it hard to masturbate
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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