Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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