I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
