I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
