I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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