Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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