I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
i now understand why vodka
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
