Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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