You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
