I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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