They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
