Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
