I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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