im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
