Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
