What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
