I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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