Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
