I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
