im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
