i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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