Where are you?
In a non slutty way
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
