I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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