I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
whose ass print is on the piano?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
