I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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