ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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