I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
they're like a gay fantastic four
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
