I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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