WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
