I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Randomize
