Fine. I'll sleep in my office
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
