but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
