All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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