I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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