I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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