Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
