Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
