I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I have fence marks all over my body
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
