Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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