how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize