whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
