So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
