My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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