Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
