omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He passed out mid-signature
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
