it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
this boner is exhausting
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
