Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
