you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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