so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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