He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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