their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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