Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
