did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
