So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
