It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
