oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
