Just mADE A PArabola og urine
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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