I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
