Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
