On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
