girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
