and my herpes radar will keep us safe
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
