just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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