This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
did i just pee glitter
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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