You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
