you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
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