He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
