If i come over, it means nothing
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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