Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
