my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
