Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
