I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
