As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
