He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
A bitchslap is in order.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
