Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
