I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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