He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
