I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
